Living a life with sense

Every now and then, someone in this world will be asking themselves 'what is my purpose living on this earth?'

I had for instance, over and over asked this question every time I had some difficult time in front of me.

And yet until this moment I still cannot find the answer.

I had at least, tried to figure out what to do with my life. Beside trying to make a living with various jobs that I don't have much heart to it, I always wanted to have a relationship that works.

Just like all the jobs I hate, relationships are the same too, in and out all the time.

So I sat down one day recently, and start to think about what kind of work that will make me happy and I will feel happy to do it? I read somewhere that doing something that you love and convert it to work will be something rewarding for your cash flow and soul.

So I had a list, I love cooking, singing, reading and meeting people. My current job is about meeting people and enriching their lives especially women, but somehow I got side tracked and lost the depth of joy in doing so.

Reading gives me more knowledge and no one in my family reads as much as I did. I tried to bring the reading culture in the family but I guess entertainment and internet got the best of them.

When I sing, I felt like I am connected with something, some kind of power that I cannot explain. I was offered many years ago to sing in a band but the situation didn't allow me to live on such a meagre income. So I passed it.

The joy of cooking is something I realized would be good for me. When I am cooking, I feel happy and my chest feels so light. This is something I should have pursue. I mentioned about it to few people and it felt better and better each time.

So maybe I should just do it. At this moment, I am able to do just that and feel free doing it.

I am not so well now and it is very important I do not stress myself out so much of being in relationship.

Having a man to be my comfort and shoulder to cry on was important for me. I thought if I had a man that gives me guidance and supportive advice I will be off much better. It was wrong, I know.

I read somewhere that great people become great in doing what they did because the love of a person that drove them to achieve it.

Friends are as important as it is, but your other half can actually share the most intimate fears you have within you.

I have yet to find the other half and each time I did, it failed me.

Unconsciously I believed I must have jeopardized my relationships with men. I am too perfect, I am too kind, I am too giving and I am too honest. It's not my words, they told me I am like this.

So it is wrong to be perfect,kind, giving and honest. To make a man committed to you is to be imperfect, selfish, stingy and dishonest. If only it is working but I am not that kind of woman so it was not the right man then.

Well, in 7 months I will be 32 and slowly but surely I will find the purpose of my life. I have to create my life so it will make sense living it each day.

All I have to do is let go of the past. And stop running from all the great possibilities of my own life.