More often than not, I always thought that I am not strong enough to hurt myself, physically or emotionally.
My mother will always without fail, commenting about my weakness in dealing with pain. She used to say that even a fever will make me sobbing like I had my tooth pulled.
Until about a month ago, I had made a decision to put myself in a situation that I will only lose.
I justified my decision as I had been cheated few months ago by a heartless man.
Being honest with me is the most important thing now but I doubt if I was being honest to that someone who loves me so much.
Coming back to the situation that I will only lose, I am feeling so much pain now. Sometimes the pain is unbearable that I wished I never made that decision.
Others may view it as a wrong behavior on my side but my heart is telling me that it is okay to experience the pain.
I am trying to shift that pain into something useful.
Do something better in life perhaps.
Like once the asshole used to say, 'it is better to be loved and lost than not loved at all'
I hope he burns in hell, if there is one.
