Unlucky me..

I was in love once. I am pretty sure it was that one time I was ready to sacrifice all and everything for him. Then he left.
When he left, he gave me very good reasons for the break up. I don't know if it is true but the reasons have nothing to do with me. I was the perfect girl, he was just not ready. The worst part is, I bought the reasons.
When I missed him, I will get chest pains and difficulty in breathing. That was how I knew he was really important to me and I did love him that bad.

After 4 years, I knew I am not going to get those chest pains because, let's face it, I will not be in love anymore.
Unfortunately, I had this feeling again.
I was dating this guy casually. For two months or so, we had good laughs and good times together.
I felt comfortable around him, told him my secrets and worries and think about him everyday.
Then he started calling me sweetheart.
And last week, I had that chest pain. He was quite far away so I knew I am missing him.
I waited for him to come back and wanted to tell him that I had fell for him.
He came back a day earlier and we met.
I felt so happy and we were holding hands and talking to each other.
Then he told me, the last thing I wanted to hear in my entire life.

He had no choice but to keep his promise to his mother and have an arranged marriage.

Do you know that kind of feeling you think you understand the situation but somehow you are lost in words?
Oh sorry, let me rephrase..the feeling is like you get smashed in the head but you know that you are still alive and breathing?

That is exactly how I felt.
Well, what can I say? I was heartbroken because we would have been great together.
Poor guy...
Hope he will survive because I know I will..