it is the time..

Exactly a month after the world was stunned with the death of Michael Jackson, we Malaysians are shocked over the demised of our most talented storyteller we had in decades. Many said that it was an untimely death for those talented human beings. God loved them more, they said.

Is there such thing as untimely death?

What is timely death then?

Yesterday, I went to visit my grandmother who was sick over the last few months and currently she got worse. Her kidneys failed and she is going through dialysis 3 times a week. She is 64 years old.

When I saw her yesterday, uneasiness crept all over me. She looked different and so frail. My mother couldn't bear to look at her feet because she worried she will see the sign of a person dying. We all know there is no hope she will back to her old self again, yet some family members still think there is hope. I just simply know that she will die soon.

I know I will not cry if she pass away. I am prepared for the news. The same way when my father died nine years ago. I didn't shed a tear because I saw his still eyes when he was in CCU and told him quietly,'just go and don't worry' He died few hours later. I am not superstitious, but I believed if I didn't say that he will still be in CCU for few more days, with all my crying family around him hoping he will not die yet. No one wanted to accept the fact he would die at the age of forty.

When my most favorite aunt lost his youngest son about three years ago, I stood still at his funeral looking at his lifeless body and wondering why he died at the age of 13? He only had a fever but he passed away in his sleep, leaving his parents blaming themselves because they thought he was resting after medication and only realized that he was gone the next morning.

My best friend in college commited suicide a week before final exams and I am still baffling with myself to this very day of the reason she decided to kill herself. When I helped with the bathing and cleaning ritual of her body, I was holding her head and saw her face so calm and I swear her lips looked like she was smiling. Why on earth a 19 year old commit suicide when she have her whole life in front of her?

I grew up being taught that I must fear death and to fear death is a symbol of fearing God.

If I fear death, then will death evades me? Or will God loves me more?

The phrase ' Tuhan lebih sayangkan dia ' really annoyed me because I don't understand it. Maybe I will never understand it. One thing for sure, there is nothing untimely about those people who died. It is just because the time is up therefore the souls must leave and we must let them go.

Al-Fatihah.